1) Customers come and customers go, but a child is always screaming.
2) Work clothes double as an invisibility cloak.
3) Unless, the customer has a question. Then they become shining beacons.
4) Store shelves and trash cans are impossible to tell apart.
5) A mother's ability to ignore her screaming child is a marvel of nature.
6) It's my fault. If we're out of something, my fault. If we don't carry the product you want, my fault. If it's too expensive, my fault.
7) If five people are in the entire store, at least three will be exactly where you need to be.
8) Also, those five people will all decide to check out at the same time.
9) Apparently, shopping consists mainly of standing in one spot and staring at the shelf for a long time.
10) No matter how obvious, you will be asked if you work there.
11) The worse the accent, the more complicated the question.
12) When in a store you don't work at, you will sometimes react when you hear someone say "Excuse me."
13) Ad signs are harder to figure out than quantum physics.
14) When something won't scan, the joke "I guess it's free then" never gets old.
15) Many children seem to be worried their parents will abandon them in the store so they leave a trail of crumbs to find their way out. Their parents, of course, don't notice.
16) Whether I realize it or not, I'm always trying to rip people off.
17) People treat public restrooms like a rental car.
18) Unsolicited advice on running the store is just another perk of the job.
19) Did I mention the screaming children?
20) People have time to spend an hour in the store, but are in a desperate hurry when waiting in line.
21) No, I'm not sure if we carry "those things, that...you know, those...you use them to...they're kinda like, uhhh..."
22) I'm not only an associate at the store, I'm also a personal shopper for people on the phone.
23) A cell phone up to one ear makes the other completely deaf.
24) The person right in front of you has no importance compared to the person on the phone.
25) Some people don't want to be satisfied. Complaining is somewhat of a hobby for them. If they were satisfied, they'd be bored to death.
26) Twenty cents can become a million dollars when someone thinks they're getting screwed.
27) Putting an unwanted product back where you got it is simply out of the question.
28) The store's closing time is only a suggestion.
29) "I can help the next customer" often comes across as "I can help whoever runs over here fastest whether you were next or not."
30) Cleaning up after adults is just part of the job.
31) Understanding and explaining the policies of the credit card you signed up for is my responsibility. And if you don't like those policies, I'm to blame.
32) Running into me with your cart is equivalent to "pardon me, could I get by please?"
33) They should have just used fine print to pass secret messages during WWII because nobody ever reads it.
34) Never underestimate a child's ability to repeat the same phrase over and over and over again.
35) The concept of "inside voice" died long ago.
36) Your running late is my problem.
37) Having very little holiday-related products left the day before the actual holiday is a travesty. It's also my fault.
38) Supposedly, everything the customer has ever wanted is in the back. I'm just too lazy to go look.
39) Coupons should work all the time, every time, and for anything. And if they don't? My fault.
40) The coupon policy was my idea and I enforce it only to make the customers' lives more difficult.
41) The return policy was my idea and I enforce it only to make the customers' lives more difficult.
42) Glaring at me isn't going to make the line move any faster.
43) When crouched down, I'm face-to-face with small children. And they don't cover their mouth.
44) When on the 5.am. truck shift, don't go to bathroom after the driver.
45) I'm checking your $100 bill, not because I have to, but because I don't trust you.
46) I never realized I could listen to the same songs so many times without going completely insane. However, when Paula Dean comes over the speaker I've considered stabbing myself in the ear drum.
47) Christmas music can consume your entire life.
48) A perfectly recovered aisle is a fleeting instance.
49) I really wish I knew how to use every product in the store. I really do. But, I don't. And I apologize for that.
50) And oh yeah...the screaming children.
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